Don't Skip 1 on 1s

I often get questions about 1:1s from many tech leaders and managers. In a recent conversation, one of my mentees asked.

Should I cancel 1:1 with my direct reports?

The short answer to this question is - No, you shouldn't cancel the 1:1 except in extreme circumstances. I know conflict happens, and you will need to move things around. When that happens, move the meeting and explain why you need to move it. In cases where you run out of topics, it's ok to end early but avoid skipping 1:1 meetings with your direct reports. I urge you to pause and consider the untold impact of that single click.

Here's why canceling or skipping that 1:1 meeting could be one of your biggest leadership mistakes.

The Heartbeat of Effective Leadership: 1:1 Meetings

In the grand symphony of leadership, 1:1 meetings are the steady heartbeat keeping the rhythm. They are intimate conversations between a leader and a team member, creating a platform for open communication, personalized feedback, and growth plans. They prove that as a leader, you're invested in your team member's journey, success, and well-being.

The significance of scheduled 1:1s regularly is based on a few key points:

Consistent availability is crucial for a healthy managerial relationship. The most effective way to comprehend someone - their circumstances, intentions, and preferences - is to allocate constant time together. Whenever I've felt frustrated with a manager, it has been due to feeling unacknowledged as a result of their persistent unresponsiveness. Regardless of the cause, regularly rescheduling or canceling 1:1s inevitably conveys a message that someone is not a priority. Trust is the foundation for engaging in challenging managerial discussions, and being accessible and responsive is the backbone of that trust.
Management crises tend to escalate rapidly. I frequently observe a pattern where individuals remain silent about their grievances until they reach a breaking point, at which their frustration intensifies. Restoring someone's state of mind after reaching this breaking point is much more challenging than addressing the issues before they escalate.

On the surface, canceling a 1:1 meeting might seem harmless, even practical. However, the hidden costs can be steep. Each skipped meeting silently communicates a disheartening message: "Your voice isn't important enough." This can lead to a decrease in morale, engagement, and productivity. Moreover, it could even trigger a domino effect, culminating in a higher turnover rate. The cost of that one click is too high! I would reiterate - "Don't Cancel 1:1s."

The Benefits of Healthy 1:1 Meetings

1:1s are bridges connecting leaders to their team members, strengthening relationships, and cultivating a culture of trust and transparency. They become lifeboats in stormy seas, helping leaders recognize achievements, address issues, and guide career paths. Simply put, they are the glue that keeps a team together and helps earn trust.

I firmly believe in the significance of "the currency of trust."

In essence, management behaviors determine whether the trust is accumulated or expended. Demonstrating supportive actions, such as advocating for employees' opportunities, guiding them toward promotions, or assisting them during challenging situations, builds trust. Conversely, delivering unfavorable news like limitations imposed by economic conditions during compensation time, delegating less glamorous tasks, or providing critical feedback consumes trust. The recipient's acceptance of such information often hinges on their trust in the deliverer's integrity and intentions. Consistently engaging in genuine and constructive one-on-one interactions serves as a means to foster trust.

Something I've learned not to say to my direct reports: "I don't have any agenda for today's meeting. Are you okay with canceling?"

Considering the inherent power dynamics in reporting structures, most subordinates are likely to agree, even if they have something to discuss. As a result, I have established a personal rule to never proactively suggest canceling a one-on-one meeting.

However, I believe it's acceptable to ask the same question in reverse. Moreover, if we exhaust our topics during the conversation and mutually decide to conclude early, that's also acceptable. Nonetheless, I want to ensure that, in either case, I have allowed the other person to express their thoughts confidently.

So remember, don't skip 1:1s!

Who Drives the Discussion?

Is it my responsibility to steer the course of these one-on-one meetings? Moreover, if they consistently lack anything to share, what are your thoughts on making these meetings optional or spontaneous instead?

While numerous subordinates will naturally shape the direction of 1:1s, others won't. It simply transpires. In these instances, the manager bears the burden of steering the conversation. Given the inevitability of managing diverse personalities throughout a career, mastering this skill is beneficial.

When dialogues in 1:1s go flat, it's often due to the narrowness of the topics discussed, either in their scope or timeframe:

"Things are progressing smoothly and there's no immediate issue."

To shake things up, my approach mirrors my interview conducting style: I ask plenty of questions. I delve into their feelings about the progress of projects, their evolving skills, any stumbling blocks, and potential improvements. I broaden the perspective to encompass how their tasks align with career aspirations, their perception of team or company strategy changes, and growth areas. I offer my thoughts on matters that thrill or disappoint me and seek their viewpoint. I aim to listen attentively to generate follow-up questions based on their responses.

Structuring 1:1s with a framework of themes can also prove beneficial. Recently I stumbled upon a tweet from Jean-Michel Lemieux, the former CTO of Shopify, on his framework, dividing the subject matter for his meetings with subordinates into three broad categories:

25% Boss: Maintain responsibility for goals, quality, and development

50% Peer: Bring decisions and receive my input, let's ideate. I'll disclose what I'm working on too.

25% Work for you: Given your objectives, how can I assist you?

I've copied the tweeted graphic and placed it at the start of my 1:1 documents. Not that I aim to adhere to it rigidly, but it reminds me and my report about the topics we should discuss in our regular meetings.

Unlocking the Power of 1:1 Meetings: Practical Tips

As we shine the spotlight on the value of 1:1 meetings, here are some keys to unlocking their full potential:

Setting a Clear Agenda: Consider it a roadmap guiding your conversation, ensuring you both stay on track.
Active Listening: This is your time to lend an ear and create a safe space for your team members to voice their thoughts.
Providing Constructive Feedback: Paint a clear picture of where they are, where they could be, and how they can get there.
Following Up: Seal the deal by circling back to the discussed points, showing that you are action-oriented.

A Real-Life Example: The Power of 1:1 Meetings

John is a team lead at Amazon. John believed in the power of 1:1s, making them an unmissable part of his leadership strategy.

John's team was a vibrant mix of talents, woven with threads of trust, thanks to these regular 1:1 meetings. One of these threads was Sarah, a brilliant software engineer navigating the tricky waters of a new team. During their 1:1s, Sarah found her voice, expressed her concerns, and found practical solutions through John's guidance. On the other hand, when Mike, another team member, cracked a tough nut, his hard work didn't go unnoticed. John used their 1:1 to celebrate Mike's success, boosting his job satisfaction and loyalty.

The results of John's commitment to 1:1 meetings were visible in the numbers: above-average productivity levels and a lower turnover rate. More importantly, these meetings were frequently mentioned in glowing terms during annual reviews, a sign of their positive impact.

John's journey shows us the undeniable power and potential of 1:1 meetings, reminding us that they are not calendar fillers but the pillars of effective leadership.

Conclusion

As leaders in a fast-paced world, we can easily underestimate the power of pausing, connecting, and listening. This is what 1:1 meetings offer. They are the doorways to building trust, improving productivity, and nurturing resilient teams. So, remember John's success story the next time you're tempted to cancel a 1:1 meeting. Remember the magic you can create with that simple conversation. And keep our guide to the importance of 1:1 encounters close to heart.

FAQs

Why are 1:1 meetings so crucial?

1:1 meetings are key to opening lines of communication, offering personalized feedback, and fostering trust and respect. They are the touchpoints that connect leaders to their team members.

What could go wrong if I cancel 1:1 meetings?

By canceling 1:1 meetings, you risk damaging team morale, decreasing productivity, and potentially triggering higher turnover rates.

What can I do to make my 1:1 meetings more effective?

To harness the full potential of 1:1 meetings, set a clear agenda, listen actively, offer constructive feedback, and always follow up on the discussed points.

Remember: every 1:1 meeting is a unique opportunity to connect, inspire, and lead more effectively. Don't let these moments slip away!

P.S. Your 1:1 meeting isn't just another event in your calendar; it's a priceless investment in your team's growth and success. As a leader, your influence and success hinge on your team's progress.

So, invest wisely, lead passionately, and remember: Don't skip 1:1s!